Katie and her many many thoughts

I dream a lot. And I remember 99% of them. To the finest detail. Sometimes I can even take control of them. Last night, I had three dreams. All of which woke myself up with terrible nite sweats. I was sweating a lot, but freezing. My heart was racing. It wasn’t the first time this has happened. But three times in one night? Crazy. They were so intense, so real feeling. My mind must have been in some sort of mental state, to get my heart beating so far. It was kinda scary to wake up finding yourself like that. I won’t be going into the details of my dream here, because sometimes I find them embarrassing. It’s not like it’s a sexual dream. But it’s the people that tend to pop into my dreams. It’s usually people I have never meet, but wouldn’t mind meeting. How likely is that anyways. I would feel such a fool to list their names. So if you know me in person, then you’ll hear about them.

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I bought the mp3’s through amazon.com, and it’s the most amazing piece of music to listen too. The first time I heard of him was on the Marie Antoinette (Sofia Coppola) soundtrack. He has three pieces on that one. One of which is on the solo album. Opus 17. Now, 23 is on the soundtrack and it’s my most favourite piece, then there is 36 from the soundtrack, another fantastic piece of work. Next to Opus 14. 14 I’m willing to share with someone, but 17 will be my fantasy piece for me. Something very special about that one that can not be shared with no one in the future.

Dustin O’Halloran

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Dissolved Girl by Massive Attack is my Paris song. Travel through the subway of Paris, I was listening to that song and everything just felt right.

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How can anyone force you to change? You change because you want too. Someone walks out, forcing you to change. Well that is how I feel. I am forced to change. Change everything I have thought about the world. I am forced to rethink my future. Which there isn’t one right now. Cross your fingers I can find something to hold me straight. I can’t expect much honestly. First off, let me say that I am a depressed person. I am one of millions of people who suffer depression. Who knows how it comes around. For me this depression is caused by a broken heart. A very bad one. I never experienced one like this before. It’s powerful. I was depressed last spring. Just about life and myself. Then I went away for 6 months and traveled a lot. I was able to get over that depression on my own. Now I am back to depression again. Not because I am unable to deal with myself this time, but how much this pain hurts. Someone else put this pain on me. I am giving up on love. Love does not exist for people like me. It just doesn’t work. I feel like Jane Austen. She loved someone very deeply. She wrote books and never married. I’ll take photos and always be alone.

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So it’s Presidents Day, I haven’t had that day off since college. Engineering firms do not take those days off. I have 8 paid holidays per year. 15 days of vacation/sick time I can take. It isn’t much really. American’s work to hard to be begin with. If people could live on less and focus more on enjoying life, we wouldn’t be working past retirement. So I am back from a weekend in the city. Speed the Plow was very good. And very funny. It was really good to see something real for once. Truly live in nature. I did a roll of 120 while I was there. I’ll go and drop it off tomorrow for developing. I would like to go to the Brooklyn International Film Festival this spring. That should be loads of fun. I’ll get at least one day pass. See as many films as possible.

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So actually I’m going to NYC this weekend, I didn’t go last weekend. My mom has bought my sister and I a pair of tickets to see a Broadway play.

Office Website

I haven’t been to a play in a long while. Just some free ones here and there of Shakespeare. It’ll be fun. The weather isn’t dead cold but not exactly spring like either, like it has been this week here. It’s such a tease honestly. Still writing a lot. I’m writing about 800 words per day. I have a target of 1,000 words per day. Some days I do write that much and more, but other days I don’t write a word. So it balances it out I suppose. I’m pretty sick too, my nose is raw. Dripping endlessly. There is never a right time to get sick. I hate feeling so tired all the time. You get behind on things. I did take most of yesterday off from work, to relax at home. Which I did. I just wish I felt better after doing that. Well I do, but not fully or near fully. Just a pinch.

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I’ve joined another blog that only focuses on movie the members have seen. Cinematrices

To see the posts I have made there click here!

I do keep a list here but there is just a little more information. Of course look through, you might find something that is worth watching! I’m mainly been watching recent foreign films.

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The magical bunny hops through the misty forest eying the ferns that whisper behind his back as he passes through giving his little white cotton tail a little fright hop hop he goes faster the forest is breathing something awful leaving the bunny with a depression of regret he hops faster and faster the melt down of this sadness is creeping further and further up his little fuzzy back his ears begin to limp over giving that bunny the saddest face on this planet he sees a pair of blue pale eyes just behind the next patch of ferns these blue eyes make the bunny push all the sadness out and drive him to keep going

Just a little writing for you

For my disjointed mind, I find this photograph beautiful.

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Out of something to be obsessed about, I’m starting the series “Angel”. Started the first season two nites ago. I did watch it when it was airing but just didn’t keep up with it. During that time of myself, I was in college and really had no time to watch TV. Between college, swimming and making horrible mistakes, TV shows were the last thing on my mind. So I’m catching up now since all I do is just work. My 40 hours per week job. It’s been a really cold winter so going out enjoying yourself isn’t exactly first on my life. This weekend I will be going to NYC to visit my sister and see the damn place since that last time I was there was last March I think. I guess six months out of the country doesn’t help. New York will never be the same to me tho. A huge apart of myself fell in love there and that love didn’t make it. So I don’t know if I could share that city with anyone there again. I can look for some Pinotage Spice Route South African wine while I am down there. Very yummy red wine. I even looked into getting a shipment. Crazy, who orders a case of wine from another country? Oh people who love wine and have 400 bucks to spare. I have the money to spare but it’s a tab bit out of my thinking to do something like that. So I’ll check domestic first before I venture to that option again.

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I am back to my story that I had started over a year ago. It’s a story that came to me during a shower in college. So it was brewing in my head for a VERY long time. Well not VERY almost 9 years. I just hope that I can be more disciplined to keep at it. I would love to finish it. It’s all in my mind I just wish I could just say it and everything was just written down. Getting all the little details out is what I think takes a while. Perhaps once I have a huge part of it down the rest will just go by a lot faster. That confidence just builds and builds over time while you are writing. I have had great responses to what little I have written. Cross your fingers for me that I can pull this off and make something happen for me.

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