Katie and her many many thoughts

I am very in need to do some serious updating! Let’s start with the cute photos of children! Wedding photos to come.

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Facebook photo page

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Some holiday related portraits coming soon! Keep watch

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“If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.” Lewis Carroll

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So I’m writing a book. So far I have 8,000 to 10,000 words written. Once I get started writing, it just flows pretty nicely. I think by the time I turn 31 in May. I should be nearly finished. At the rate I am writing that is. Writing is fun and exciting. You just know what you’ll be thinking or saying next. I’m trying to be very detailed about every little moment. Before I tend to lack that in my writing but this time, I am getting into a lot more detail. Now this is only my first draft, I do know I’ll need to rewrite many sections, fix a lot of grammar etc. Then after a the second draft, I’ll send a copy to a bunch of proof readers. I’ll get comments, feedback, then I’ll go through another edit. I do hope after that, I can honestly put together something that is usable. I hope to get an agent. Of course right when I am finished with the first book, I’ll be writing the second one. I have been reading up on how you get published or/and agent, it’s good to have more material in the works.

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How can anyone force you to change? You change because you want too. Someone walks out, forcing you to change. Well that is how I feel. I am forced to change. Change everything I have thought about the world. I am forced to rethink my future. Which there isn’t one right now. Cross your fingers I can find something to hold me straight. I can’t expect much honestly. First off, let me say that I am a depressed person. I am one of millions of people who suffer depression. Who knows how it comes around. For me this depression is caused by a broken heart. A very bad one. I never experienced one like this before. It’s powerful. I was depressed last spring. Just about life and myself. Then I went away for 6 months and traveled a lot. I was able to get over that depression on my own. Now I am back to depression again. Not because I am unable to deal with myself this time, but how much this pain hurts. Someone else put this pain on me. I am giving up on love. Love does not exist for people like me. It just doesn’t work. I feel like Jane Austen. She loved someone very deeply. She wrote books and never married. I’ll take photos and always be alone.

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So it’s Presidents Day, I haven’t had that day off since college. Engineering firms do not take those days off. I have 8 paid holidays per year. 15 days of vacation/sick time I can take. It isn’t much really. American’s work to hard to be begin with. If people could live on less and focus more on enjoying life, we wouldn’t be working past retirement. So I am back from a weekend in the city. Speed the Plow was very good. And very funny. It was really good to see something real for once. Truly live in nature. I did a roll of 120 while I was there. I’ll go and drop it off tomorrow for developing. I would like to go to the Brooklyn International Film Festival this spring. That should be loads of fun. I’ll get at least one day pass. See as many films as possible.

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Out of something to be obsessed about, I’m starting the series “Angel”. Started the first season two nites ago. I did watch it when it was airing but just didn’t keep up with it. During that time of myself, I was in college and really had no time to watch TV. Between college, swimming and making horrible mistakes, TV shows were the last thing on my mind. So I’m catching up now since all I do is just work. My 40 hours per week job. It’s been a really cold winter so going out enjoying yourself isn’t exactly first on my life. This weekend I will be going to NYC to visit my sister and see the damn place since that last time I was there was last March I think. I guess six months out of the country doesn’t help. New York will never be the same to me tho. A huge apart of myself fell in love there and that love didn’t make it. So I don’t know if I could share that city with anyone there again. I can look for some Pinotage Spice Route South African wine while I am down there. Very yummy red wine. I even looked into getting a shipment. Crazy, who orders a case of wine from another country? Oh people who love wine and have 400 bucks to spare. I have the money to spare but it’s a tab bit out of my thinking to do something like that. So I’ll check domestic first before I venture to that option again.

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I am back to my story that I had started over a year ago. It’s a story that came to me during a shower in college. So it was brewing in my head for a VERY long time. Well not VERY almost 9 years. I just hope that I can be more disciplined to keep at it. I would love to finish it. It’s all in my mind I just wish I could just say it and everything was just written down. Getting all the little details out is what I think takes a while. Perhaps once I have a huge part of it down the rest will just go by a lot faster. That confidence just builds and builds over time while you are writing. I have had great responses to what little I have written. Cross your fingers for me that I can pull this off and make something happen for me.

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